James: "To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person."
Me: "I vouch and authenticate, esteemed sir, that the iniquitous and nefarious perpetrator of the aforementioned malfeasance was veraciously not myself. But you have my unfeigned aspiration that the deed's elucidation and subsequent redemption are forthcoming imminently."
(What will happen next? Tune in next week, when you learn that the entire incident was a joke with, one fears, an extremely limited lifespan!)
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